JAIL BAIT (1954) -- movie review by Squashpants

MOVIES FOR W*E*I*R*D*O*S

Tonight's movie is

JAIL BAIT (1954)

Yes, folks, it's another Ed Wood movie, this one earlier in his career and a bit less Wood-like than those that followed, but still lots of fun!

It is the story of Don Gregor (Clancy Malone), the son of eminent plastic surgeon, Dr. Boris Gregor, and his fateful involvement with petty gangster Vic Brady (played marvelously by Timothy Farrell). The titular jail bait is not an underage girl, but the gun which Don uses in the robbery of a theater chain payroll. They are discovered in the process of acquiring the loot by Miss Willis (Mona McKinnon--yes!, of PLAN 9 fame) and Don ends up shooting the night watchman.

They make a run for it, shooting Mona--I mean Miss Willis--in the shoulder, and are able to shake the cops that come after them. They go to Vic's girl friend's apartment to lay low. While Loretta (Theodora Thurmond) and Vic bicker, Don gets a case of conscience and decides to turn himself in. So his partner in crime puts a fatal bullet in him.
They stash his body in the pantry(!) and try to decide what to do. And Vic comes up with a doozy of an idea. He calls up Don's plastic surgeon father and demands that he come and change his face so that he won't be identified by the surviving Miss Willis.

In the meantime, the police, played by Lyle Talbot, another future player in PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, and Steve Reeves are on the case. Yes, you read that right. The future star of the picture that started the peplum craze of the 60s, HERCULES, plays a cop. They try to get Don's sister, Marilyn, played by, oh God, yes, Dolores Fuller, Ed Wood's live-in girlfriend, to cooperate with them, but she is not helpful at all.

Marilyn goes along with Dr. Gregor as his nurse, and they go to Loretta's apartment where they are ordered to get to work on Vic's face. When Dr. Gregor goes to the kitchen to get some water, he discovers his son's body. He doesn't let on and comes back to the living room with a plan. They have to talk Brady into taking ether as anesthetic before the procedure ("I'm on to your tricks!"). They proceed with Loretta holding a gun on them, and finish weary but confident that they did a good job. The good doctor reminds Vic's squeeze the if she shoots them, there could be complications from lack of after care.

So, a few weeks pass, and time comes for the bandages to be removed and for Vic Brady to see his new face. I think that anyone with half a brain can figure out what is coming, so I am not going to tell you what happens when they reveal his face. Let's just say that the cops that show up just as they are uncovering Brady's new face are not impressed.

Make no mistake, this is an Ed Wood movie. The proof is in the dialog. Check this bit from the scene where Dr. Gregor is resting and having a drink with his daughter the evening that the robbery will take place. Referring to a phone call from Lyle Talbot's character:

"This afternoon, we had a long telephone conversation earlier in the day."  The sort of malapropism that Wood was a wizard at.

Another aspect of the production that is nearly always commented upon in reviews is the music on the soundtrack. It is the Hoyt Curtin piano and guitar flamenco instrumental that graced the equally incompetently made MESA OF THE LOST WOMEN. If you are of a sensitive nature, the droning of this sequence of pouncing piano accents and flamenco guitar flourishes will have you in seizures by the end of the movie.

Here are some other points of interest in the film:

- Ed wasn't one to waste the physique of a Steve Reeves. He has a scene that starts off with Steve shirtless. This had to have thrilled more than a few female theatergoers.

- The desk in the small office of Dr. Gregor is so big that it nearly fills the entire room. It is hilarious to see people trying to navigate around it.

- You like Nash automobiles? You get all you could possibly want in this pic.

- Herbert Rawlinson, who plays Dr. Gregor, did a nice job of acting considering he was dying of lung cancer--on the set. The morning after he completed his scenes, he was found dead in his apartment.

- Setting up for the theater robbery, the narrative gives us a look at what the show was at the theater that night. Originally, it was a minstrel show! Oh, my God, yes, and every bit as racist and tasteless as you might imagine. I was very happy that the VHS cassette I have substitutes a burlesque striptease.

I think this little POS is quite engaging, and is actually unusually competent for an Ed Wood movie. You could do a whole lot worse. I give the pic a Movies For Weirdos rating of 3 1/4 stars out of 4.

Buy it at Amazon.com